Family / TED Talk Notes

[TED Talk Notes] Bruce Feiler: Agile Programming — for your family

  • Opening
  • Problem: chaos of family life (Ex. from kids needing bathing to assisting with bullies)
  • Kids wanted parents to have less stress
  • What do happy families do right? What can I learn from them to make my family happier?
  • Ex1. Family Meeting weekly.
  • Agile development — workers are organized into small groups and do things in short spans of time.
    • the team manages itself
    • it’s constantly changing — weekly reviews, flexibility, changing
    • increase communication, decrease stress, everyone happier to be part of the family team
  • Who does Agile help in the “family team”
    • re: Waterfall. Top down approach. This process takes too long, by the time they get to other people, it’s too outdated.
    • now: companies are flexible. E.g. technical teams like rugby scrums
      • do things in small bits, re-group, discuss good/bad, change
      • do one thing, talk, then go back to it
  • Agile into family — Ex. Early morning chaos
    • Chores’ Check List for each kid
    • The power of CHECKMARKS
    • Teams can manage themselves
    • Teammates can even make own rules for themselves
  • Reflection
    • what worked well?
    • what didn’t work?
    • what will we agree to change for next week?
  • Ex. Not greeting people at the door, making lunches; kick someone, lose dessert
  • Agile system within the family
    • build a system of change so you can react to change in real time (if it happened 6 months ago, it’s difficult to change…)
    • Break the thought that ideas inside the home must be set by some guru. It’s about adapting to what works – anywhere.
    • Time shift the family dinner – that’s flexibility
  • When disciplining children, move where you sit and have both in an upright position (little things that matter and make a difference)
  • TAKEAWAY
    • 1) Adapt all the time — be flexible, openminded, let the best ideas win (do what works)
    • 2) Empower your children — enlist children in their own upbringing
      • Ex. overreacting — give us a reward and give us a punishment
      • children who: plan their own goals, evaluate their own work, set weekly schedules… take more control over their lives and exercise their frontal cortex. Let them make their own
    • 3) Tell your story — adaptability is fine, but you need your own bedrock
      • a) preserve the core
        • Had a conference with their family (Family mission statement)
        • focus more on what they do right and less on what they do wrong. Emphasize the right and discuss how you overcome the hard times.
      • b) stimulate progress
    • Tell your children where they came from — do you know were your grandparents came from, culture, times of difficulty and how it was overcame
      • *Emotional health
  • Closing
  • Happiness is not something we find, it’s something we make.
  • Greatness is not a matter of circumstance, it’s a matter of choice.
  • Keep reaching for that green stake.
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